The ground is so moist

Boy, did we had some thunderstorm last night. I woke up in an instant but was knocked down again very soon. I don’t know exactly was it true, cause all the dreams that I dreamed melted with this time and this illusion/reality. Me, who don’t often remember their dreams were living some sort of live show or movie so to speak. Anyway night went fine and I woke up refreshed, hope you did as well. I though doubt that considering last evening. Hope you are grounded and fine. Loving doves and soft clouds and rainbows are on the way if not yet there. (hah)

This morning was beautiful as it almost always is so I was inspired to take camera out to my flower garden. Raindrops and flowers, aah and aah. So moist and so warm (18 C) early in the morning already. Summer is here and so am I. Heh! Am I being too playful? No? I know, I feel. Lucky who or lucky us or lucky the whole damn world. Yes we are all so loved and blessed. Isn’t this all so amazing and colorful and beautiful? Some amazement and awe.

So the next thing that I did was some photo editing. While I work, I do listen some music. How come it was so convenient to have some Grieg clavier concertos like Hymn to joy. That is so up lifting, like a rainbow was I exited to do all editing. Then came Mika’s albums. Finally I did all editing and here are some joys that I found thru my lens. Hope you like them and feel the beauty of our Mother Earth and of course my loving tender touch, that is the same I give to everyone I am able to help or touch in any way.

Love you! Lets shine like rainbows and make brighter tomorrow for us and all. We got this! We can!!!!

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Are we doubting ourselves again?

Yesterday, what could I say about it. You were doubting me and yourself. The thing that I am silent, the thing that you are not sure if my feelings are for real. You are asking for assurance of some sort. You are asking me to step forward in my divine power. Well let me tell you, my work behind the scenes is what you know and what you feel. It is all so real that you can feel, touch and sense it with every cell you have. So let me ask you isn’t that enough of proof of my work of my feelings for you and all of the humanity. My love doesn’t need words or assurance, it is a free gift and for everyone to enjoy.

Your self doubt and mine too at times it the reason for our separation. We don’t need that. We can and we are there in an instant, you know that. I LOVE YOU with all my heart. I don’t always approve your human ways. I do get hurt by some actions you do, but I know it is the way you need to grow. I do hope you take every measure needed to move on. I hope that you take notes when things are not going as you like and then take different actions in the future. That is my loving wish and prayer for you and everyone else too.

I wish you would understand my human side better tough. My physical side which is struggling sometimes more than I would like to bare. This week has been like that. I have took good care of myself. I have tried to surrender to let her help and let her make some effort here at home. Still it is so difficult to ask for help, because I know that almost everything is possible to put on hold till I recover. Nothing is really that important. We/I am safe. I know the table will not be empty when my time comes so I have learned long time ago to let things be on hold, if they are not critical. I wish you would see your life a little bit more like that too. There will always be things that don’t get finished for various reasons, there will always be things that we don’t understand but  that doesn’t matter. We are safe and we are loved. So go little bit easier on yourself today. Do not take the blame on yourself nor do not blame me or anyone else. Circumstances vary and personal situations can change fast, we can’t control them, not always even our own circumstances. So take it easy. Relax. I am fine and so are you. We go on from here separately and yet not separate. I will join when I can do that, but now I do need to heal my human body.

I love you! You know it. Please do not doubt it for a minute any longer.

Why is she so frightening?

How hard is it to face a women with a mind like man, a hunter, a sex maniac, explorer who will not settle? How hard is it to meet a woman who will make your world spin with only a kiss? How frightening is that? Is it only a fear of loosing control to situations or to yourself? I would want to know. I would want to understand.Then again how hard is it to meet her when she is insecure and emotional? She can be like that too. She can be like a hurricane. She can also be afraid of loosing control.

If you think it is your influence how she responds, you might not see the whole picture. She can hold so many worlds together inside of her. It is not easy to understand. She might be totally insane or might only be her authentic self.

She is pushing people always away, because she is so certain of the response she is about to get. So to be friend with her you need to know few things. Not everything is a reflection of you. Not all is respond to your actions. Most of the time she just don’t want to make others concern or worried. She knows she can push thru almost everything. But she is insecure sometimes and that is when she needs a hand to hold or a hug from a friend. And yes she loves all the simplest things in the world and life because she sees the divinity in them, the true reflection of herself.

So she might not be what the appearance shows, but more like a mystical creature from the book, a lonely dragon maybe. So learn kindness with her. Learn to groom her spikes with a gentleness just like you do to softer creatures as well.

Some of us are hard on the outside but so soft on the inside. We learned to be that way to be able to help others find their wings not to crush them with our feet or burn them with our flame.

Setting clear boundaries and being selfish enough

This might sound harsh once again. Me, so strong. Knowing what to allow and how to be loved. What to accept. Well as Rick sings “what you see is what you don’t get..” Should we moan about it? Should we be sad and cry over and over? Maybe while we are letting go. Maybe it is just so that one is whole without. Maybe we only see it by doing our healing in separate rooms. Maybe the love we need is as individual as is our dreams and our needs for healing. The courage to admit it is to say I need something else what you plan for us or what  your dream is, no matter how fab or divine they might seem to you. You might see illusion or you might dream only yourself. You might forget that true dream is the one created TOGETHER.

No I am not perfect in that respect. I know I dream selfish sometimes, but the truth is that all of my life or most of it I have been the one giving up on my own life and selfish dreams. So how about it, if we were to recognize that we only need to find the right one, who wants to dream similar life. Without the recognition of this we might lose yourselves on the battles with our so called soul partner. Isn’t all we really want to find our own happiness or maybe sharing it with someone with similar views and likes. Maybe they are our best friends in platonic form maybe intimate who knows.

(Selfish means that your dreams add burden to someone else or benefit only your life. We live very selfish times so people who are emphatic are so very often burn out because of this. I don’t say we should not have selfish dreams but only to see the perspective that we might expect too much.)

This is what it means when we say that do not presume, do not make plans too far ahead, do not put the weight on other ones shoulders. Life is too fucking hard already. We don’t need someone to add more pressure with the hopes and dreams to fulfill. Let go of illusion that partnership or family should be in certain way. If you want something pursue it yourself, don’t assume your partner to fulfill it. The more you can do yourself, the more skills you own or independence, the more attractive partner you will be.

So I really mean it when I say this, please work with your own growth and healing. Understand how you were raised or what community might expect from you. Then choose what you except and what you don’t. Let go of everything that makes you act like you were not loving yourself. Let go of habits or chores or routines that make you unhappy. You didn’t come here to repeat your parents story or your family’s story.

The shadow side rising?

It is not so much that you don’t feel love towards them or yourself, but you realize the mess you are in. You don’t want to bring no- one into to this. So you try to figure out things on your own. You try to reason or evolve, what ever makes your life better.

You listen to them saying things, assuming things from their perspective. No better yet, they read your mind while you are ignorant of your own thoughts. Yes I know the troubles I am in. That is exactly why I am reluctant to bring anyone into this.

My body aches and yearns, but I continue this. I try to figure out what is my task, my chore for this day. Keeping still the reluctant mind on certain things. I already know why they stay the way they stay. OH this torment is driving me mad. I don’t give in so that you can not have a saying that I am this or that. I don’t give you the pleasure. I put my pieces together like I see suits me best. That is the only way. But know this, the energy is always the truth and I would not want to harm or hurt you or anyone else.

I have evolved to the point where I must tell you that maybe I must hit you or harm you, not physically but with my actions you are not accepting on my behalf. My wild roar will reach your shore. I am so sorry! I wish there was a way to cut you off in a descent way. Love is just so demanding and messy.

So accept me or walk as far as possible. There is no keeping me now anymore. I might show the ugly side. It is not revenge, not making you sad or emotional, it is just my other side.

I wish and surround you with pink cloud to keep you safe from me. Do your best and stay who you are as I am gathering my power again to stand where I need to stand.

Hard to let go hard to choose

How to get over? That is the question. I know we should not get too involved. We should just explore and release. The truth is that I know what my soul plan is. I know what it needs and I am not willing to compromise not even a bit.

I loved and lost already. I have grown thru the pain. I was never easy. I was never interested playing but to observe and “strike”. All these thoughts running in my head. Yet my circumstances are stable or at least so they appear. I am happy to do my work, I am learning to go out and meet new people. I am not making any assumptions based on short meetings or new acquaintances.

So maybe one could say that I am getting on my two feet once again. More sure than ever that what my soul plan is. Sure that it will open the door I need to go thru sooner or later. The work to be done is just let go of the old. The work to know that it is up to me to say this has to go and this can stay.

I am putting my pieces together slightly different now. There is a history I can ignore and there are parts I will carry with me to the new world. The difficulty is that people might try to make me choose to leave the important stuff behind, but this is my decision. I need to make it on my own. I need to love myself enough to set this boundary straight, put my feet on the ground calmly. Be the rock that I need under my feet.

From that piece of land I might go to explore one day and meet that significant other that will allow me to be who I chose to be and accept the scars and the baggage I carry, for there only we are able to start our journey together.