Dare to show your feelings. Dare to say or show that someone hurt your feelings. Dare to cry when you feel like it. Know that your feeling are your emotional reaction to someone or something and those emotions are like clouds that will pass. They don’t define you, they are just passing reactions, a healing process, a purifying process to release your hurt, anger or frustration.
With authentic family, friends and work environment you don’t have to fear your emotional reaction (remember to be appropriate though). They know and you know that this argument or disagreement is just purifying and clearing things. You come to meet each other more authentic, you come to know each other deeper. Once you are that trusting that you are able to argue with someone you in fact show them that you are trusting them not to leave you even at their “weakest” moment. Weakest meaning that they might have this emotional reaction due to their immaturity, or misconceived perception (like victim-hood, guilt etc.). You trust that other part so much that you don’t fear of loosing them or their love. This authenticity will boost yours or their or both of your self-confidence and your need to be accepted, admired or honored.
In fact these are the principles of a true mature parent/friend/co-worker. Because authentic loving parent/friend/co-worker will not please you, they will not do things for you if you are capable to do them for yourself. Their support will help you to find your confidence if you fall. Their trust in you will help you to trust yourself when you lose trust in yourself. They will tell straight if they see something you do or are about to do is not healthy (be discerning with this though). Know when they mean the best for you and know when they are trying to manipulate (if they are not mature parents/friends/co-workers). You will know who they are, if in general they behave supportive, loving, coaching/guiding ways. You know that your best of interest is their best of interest too. You know it from the ways how they listen and try to ask questions to give you best possible coaching and guidance they are able to. Their thought process becomes transparent to you. True parent/friend/co-worker or any authentic partner you have will reveal their authenticity by admitting they are not perfect and ask for forgiveness when they have been rude, shouted, argued or even disappointed you. That is true compassion and empathy. They are true to themselves and true to you.
Let’s mature! We got this lifetime now, let us not repeat our ancestral destructive ways to educate ourselves, our children or our partners in life. We are the change. This is our time to make it happen.
Yours sincerely, Hannele